To Toss or Not To Toss, THAT is The Question

Hive, It has been a long time since I have been so undecided about anything. This is one of those big wedding questions that I have been kicking down the road since day one. I start to lean one way, but before I am ready to make a call, the winds of change blow in and my mind is turned the other way. Mr. Aardvark has been absolutely no help by sweetly saying, "Whatever you want dear!" (Side note, most of the time that is the correct answer)

The conundrum that has been vexing me, and keeping me up at night is the age old question of the toss. The Bouquet and Garter toss to be clear, and really more the garter toss than anything. Actually, I take that back, both tosses are in question.

For the bouquet:

I really dislike the fact that it turns "getting married next" into some kind of big competition. For one, marriage is not a race. Period. People should only take that step when both partners are ready and it feels like the right thing to do, not when one part of the couple manages to beat out a bunch of (possibly) tipsy ladies, with a mad dive, for a bundle of projectile plants. Second, I am afraid none of my single lady friends will want to catch it, because it can be awkward and everyone else is just wondering when they can start dancing again.

The bouquet toss is not all bad though, I happen to love some healthy competition and even as a little girl LOVED the part of the wedding when I got a chance to through some elbows and win me somethin'! (Maybe that was just me?) It also makes for fantastic pictures, from the almost-doing-a-back-bend-bride to the dread/anticipation and occasional flying leaps of the gathered ladies. 

In addition to the competition and the pictures, I recently heard of opening the toss to all ladies (regardless of marital status) and attaching a gift card to the bouquet so they had something to really go for if "marrying next" wasn't your thing. I really like this idea and it was one of the things that came closest to convincing me that I should do the bouquet toss. However, I am all for equality. A bouquet toss needs a male alternative option, and since tossing a boutonnière isn't really a thing (but maybe it could be?!) that brings us to the garter toss.

For the garter:

I could go on about how unlady like it is to have your newly minted husband riffling around beneath your skirt in search of your underthings while everyone you know and love watches. But really, I tend to be a bit of an exhibitionist. The retrieval  doesn't bother me nearly as much as the idea, that after getting my precious under things, he will then toss them to his friends! I mean... think about it. I don't like the sense of conquest that is attached to the garter. And the idea of people other than Mr. Aardvark competing for for my underthings kinda skeeves me out.

Bridesmaid Red asked early in the planning about a garter auction. I had never heard of this tradition but is seemed questionable. I was even more horrified when I learned that this was a practice in which the the wedding guests bid on the garter and the winner gets to remove it! EXCUSE ME!? My underthings are not for sale! IF anyone is up under my business, in public, on my wedding day it will only be Mr. Aardvark! That whole concept smacked of prima nocta and really turned me off of the whole garter thing.

On top of that, I think its a little silly to have garters if you don't have stocking being held up by those garters... Now, I will be wearing stockings, and a garter belt to hold them up... but the garter itself seems superfluous, if beautiful, in this situation.

Now, I know it sounds like I just laid a lot of hate on the garter toss but there are a few pros. A) Awesome pictures. I mean some of my all time favorite. I don't care for the totally raunchy ones but knowing Mr. Aardvark he would only get a little cheeky. B) As stated above,  I love some competition. Due to the fact that Mr. Aardvark is older than I am most of his friends are already hitched which makes it even more enticing to open the toss to everyone and include a gift card. I also feel that this takes some of the skeevey-ness out because the guys are really going after the gift card (or so I can tell myself) and not my under-things.  I think a tasteful garter retrieval and toss is possible, but there are so many places it can go wrong!

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There is one other issue. It seems that there is a custom that I had not seen in an actual wedding ever and only discovered after becoming obsessed with all things nuptial on the internet. I am not sure how I missed it because it appears to be pretty widespread. But the whole guy who catches the garter putting it on the lady who caught the bouquet. I mean where did that even come from? What does it mean? Is the sole purpose maximum embarrassment? (These are real questions if you know please tell me). If we do have  tosses, is there any way to avoid this part? Will the guest expect it?

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And now, Hive, I need your help. If I were a more tech savvy blogger I would know how to put a poll in here but I'm not so I didn't.

To Toss or Not To Toss???